Non-surgical boob job aims to suck them in

It sounds like a medieval torture technique. Two semi-rigid plastic domes are affixed to the breasts, and connected to a battery-operated computerised vacuum device. The device is worn for 10 hours a day for 10 weeks – and if the woman misses a day, she must wear it for an additional week.

But it’s actually a non-surgical breast enhancement, coming to a cosmetic surgeon near you.

It works, doctors say, by using suction to expand the soft tissue of the breast, a technique tribal societies have used for centuries for various physical effects.

“It’s not primitive at all,” said Dr Ronald Goedeke, the medical director for BRAVA, the company marketing the system. “The women have control, it’s safe, no scars and it works.”

The device, which costs $3200 initially, plus $495 for an extra set of breast-domes once the patient has outgrown the originals, will be launched in Australia next week. Women who follow the product instructions can expect an average breast enlargement of 100 cubic centimetres, roughly equivalent to one bra cup size. There is no risk of breast cancer, according to initial studies.

Posted by Hello

The more we look, the bigger the tsunami gets

The more we look, the bigger the tsunami gets – Asia Tsunami – www.smh.com.au:

“The tsunami that devastated South-East Asia was much bigger than was first believed, reaching heights of 30 metres, the size of a 10-storey building, and speeds of 13.7 metres a second.

Scientists have found evidence in the Indonesian province of Aceh which shows the world has seriously underestimated the damage tsunamis can wreak.

The findings bode ill for coastal settlements neighbouring ocean faultlines, including Australia. ‘It’s just staggering,’ said Andrew Moore, one of the researchers studying the destruction in Aceh.

The tsunami that struck South-East Asia on December 26, killing at least 250,000 people and displacing millions more, was triggered when two tectonic plates collided with each other in the Indian Ocean and caused an earthquake measuring 9.0 on the Richter scale.

The team found the tsunami’s height along the coast south of Banda Aceh, the area closest to the earthquake and worst hit by the disaster, was about 24 metres above sea level, with ‘run-ups’ on inland slopes exceeding 30 metres. The average speed of the waves on shore was 13.7 metres per second.”

For desperate husbands, heaven is a housemaid and fantastic plastic

Loved this spoof on Desperate housewives – if the roles were switched and the show was deperate husbands.

I quite enjoy desperate housewives, but I thought this article added an interesting perspective.

For desperate husbands, heaven is a housemaid and fantastic plastic:
By Richard Glover
February 12, 2005

For us guys, it’s great to have a new drama show to hook into – one that’s really about our lives. This time around it’s the new hit series Desperate Husbands.

It has been on for only two weeks, but already you hear of groups of guys getting together – maybe one brings the beers, another the nachos – and settling down to watch.

There’s been so much TV for women recently – Sex and the City, Footballers’ Wives – we guys are hungry for the chance to get together, relax, and reserve a little time for ourselves, and for our friendship.

Desperate Husbands gives us that chance.

All of us have our favourite characters, of course. For me its Bryn, the super-husband, whose hair is always perfect, whose lawn is always mowed, and whose edges are always perfectly trimmed. He’s got the perfect body, pulls a good salary, and can turn out a plate of fluffy muffins. Yet his wife doesn’t appreciate him. I guess I see something of myself in his situation.
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Other guys in our group connect with different characters. They come around on Monday night to sit and watch, to laugh and cry. ‘That could be me,’ says my friend Tim, as he watches one of the Desperate Husbands wade into the swimming pool, in a full business suit, in order to untangle a kink in his Kreepy Krauly automatic pool cleaner. ‘I think some people just don’t realise the pressure we guys are under, trying to balance everything – balance the job, balance the kids, balance the pool chemicals. Finally you snap. Before you realise it, there’s chlorine stains all over your best Armani.’

Maybe that’s why we all appreciate the ‘wish-fulfilment’ character – the middle-aged man who’s having a steamy affair with his 18-year-old housemaid. How we laughed when the wife came home from the office, and demanded to know what the housemaid had been doing all day. We knew exactly what she’d been doing with our desperate husband – having glorious sex while we cheered them on. We especially loved the scene later on – where the middle-aged bloke has to get up in the middle of the night and secretly iron a whole basketful of pleated dresses, just to convince his wife that the housemaid had done some real work.

‘Been there, done that,’ we all shouted as we watched, woofing down the nachos – even though the truth is we wouldn’t dare. All of us know too well the dangers involved in ironing pleats.

Why do we guys like the show so much? I guess it’s because we feel locked in a little; we feel our lives are on a railway track, all laid out. It’s great to imagine that we could jump the tracks every now and then – and do something really desperate.

After the show is finished, we sit there, polishing off the last of the nachos, draining the last of the beers, and we start to dream. Could we really just throw off the ropes? The mortgages, the soccer-practice chauffer service, the emasculated deference to the boss at work? Could there be a way to start each day, other than with ironing a shirt for work?

Who knows? But with the help of Desperate Husbands we’re starting to open up a little, confessing how middle age is hitting us. Sitting around after the show, we admit we used to think about sex all the time … but now it’s different. ‘I don’t know what’s gone wrong,’ says my mate Ryan, staring pensively at the last of the nachos, ‘sometimes I now go a whole minute without thinking about it once.’

The rest of us nod supportively, trying not to let the shock show on our faces. A whole minute. Ryan’s situation is worse than we thought.

Desperate Husbands is certainly having its effect. Just yesterday, Tim found he was no longer wearing a tie to work; he’s also swapped his cotton shirts for a no-iron drip-dry number. ‘I just felt: why not? It’s time to take some risks.’

Ryan is considering having an affair – just as soon as he clears his credit card sufficiently to be able to pay for the motel room. He also wants to get a bit further ahead at yoga, so he doesn’t do in his back. But after that: straight into an affair, as steamy as he can get it.

And me? Well, I’m just going to stop trying so hard. Sure, I’ll keep the body perfect; and continue to use sufficient hair-product so that I always look my best. But this weekend, I may well drop the kids off at the wrong end of the oval for their game; and then let the grass verge go without its weekly trim.

After that: an affair, or perhaps skydiving. Once husbands get desperate, you never know what chaos will ensue.

richardglover@ozemail.com.au

Australia knew of my abuse – Habib

Australia knew of my abuse – Habib – National – www.smh.com.au:
“Since the September 11 terrorist attacks the US has been increasingly shifting suspects to countries with histories of brutal interrogation and torture.
Critics say the practice – which the Australian Government formally opposes – is state-sponsored abduction and allows the US to circumvent the human rights treaties it has signed.
According to Mr Habib’s US lawyer, Joseph Margulies, his client alleges his interrogators routinely abused and humiliated him in Egyptian prisons.
In this month’s New Yorker magazine Mr Margulies said the interrogators beat Mr Habib regularly, sometimes with an instrument he likened to an electric cattle prod.
They told him he would be raped by trained dogs if he did not confess to being a member of al-Qaeda and was, among other abuses, placed in a chamber filled with water and forced to stand on his toes for hours to avoid drowning.
They also allegedly used electric shocks to extract confessions, which Mr Habib made but later retracted.
Mr Habib’s release has been linked to the fact that any evidence built up against him would not stand scrutiny because it was obtained under extreme duress and intimidation.
Mr Habib also says he was severely mistreated at Bagram air base in Afghanistan, where he was taken to from Egypt on or about April 17, 2002.
He was then shifted to Guantanamo Bay, where, he says, he was subjected to more abuse, including being shackled while female US officers feigned menstruating over his face, using fake blood.
Mr Habib’s supporters describe him as a peaceful and devout Muslim and family man.”
….A spokeswoman for the Attorney-General, Philip Ruddock, said it had not yet been established that Mr Habib was taken to Egypt, even though Pakistan’s Interior Minister, Makhdoom Syed Faisal Saleh Hayat, told SBS last July that Mr Habib was taken there after a request by US authorities…..

Welsh rugby fan ‘cuts off testicles’ to celebrate win

Rugby fan ‘cuts off testicles’ to celebrate win – www.smh.com.au:
“A Welsh rugby fan has reportedly cut off his own testicles to celebrate Wales beating England at rugby.

Geoff Huish, 26, was so convinced England would win Saturday’s match he told fellow drinkers at a social club, ‘If Wales win I’ll cut my balls off’, the Daily Mirror reported today.

Friends at the club in Caerphilly, south Wales, thought he was joking.

But after the game Huish went home, severed his testicles with a knife, and walked 200 metres back to the bar with the testicles to show the shocked drinkers what he had done.

Huish was taken to hospital where he remained in a seriously ill condition, the paper said. Police told the paper he had a history of mental problems.

Wales’s 11-9 victory over England at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff was their first home win in 12 years.”

Notice Of Revocation Of Independence

The following has been attributed to Basil Fawlty and or John Cleese. JOhn Cleese is an actual comedian, Basil Fawlty is a character he made/played in his classic comedy series “Fawlty Towers”.

In reality, it is an anonymous posting that has circulated the internet for a while, and WAS NOT written by John Cleese.

It is still funny though, so I reproduce it here!

Notice Of Revocation Of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of
your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without
the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether
any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate
effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up “aluminium.” Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and
‘neighbour’; skipping the letter ‘U’ is nothing more than laziness
on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without
skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter ‘Z’ (pronounced ‘zed’
not ‘zee’) and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”

You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’ e.g.
Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if
you can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up “vocabulary.” Using the same thirty seven words interspersed
with filler noises such as “uhh”, “like”, and “you know” is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up “interspersed.”

There will be no more ‘bleeps’ in the Jerry Springer show. If you’re
not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn’t have
chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you
won’t have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to
take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn’t that hard. English accents are not limited to
cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents —
Scottish dramas such as “Taggart” will no longer be broadcast with
subtitles.

While we’re talking about regions, you must learn that there is no
such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is
“Devon.” If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American
States will become “shires” e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire,
Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to
play English characters.

British sit-coms such as “Men Behaving Badly” or “Red Dwarf” will
not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience
who can’t cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The
Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want
you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American “football.” There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as American “football” is not a
very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football.
You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play
proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full
kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by
2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is
a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead
of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called
“rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized
gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no
longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public
than a vegetable peeler. Because we don’t believe you are sensible
enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a
permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a
new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
“Indecisive Day.”

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call
‘French fries’ are not real chips. Fries aren’t even French, they
are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered
fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium.
Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called
“crisps.” Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The
traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served
warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added
to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this
quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling “beer” is not
actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper
British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of
known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” The
substances formerly known as “American Beer” will henceforth be
referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” with the exception of the
product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be
referred to as “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true
Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech
Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. >From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or “gasoline,”
as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005)
prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to
those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK
petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon — get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to
sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,
then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you
shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation